Today
I would like to share what little I have learnt in my life so far. There are no
accurate words to describe this experience but maybe, self-discovery ought to
be it.
I
have fallen down hundreds of times and lost myself and my sanity trying to get
back up. I have found out that I can be anxious and tensed even about the most
trivial matters. What I mean to say is that I am sometimes like the “Boy who
cried Wolf”. Making mountains out of negligible kidney stones….. OOOHkay that
was gross… Sorry!!
BTW,
I have finally realised what the most difficult things to make in this world are?
Decisions! You have to consider a lot of parameters and people while making
your decisions. You need to think about the past, present and future. You need
to consider your finances and time. You got to think about all the people
affected by your decision. And most important you got to seriously consider
whether your neighbours and relatives (so-called-society) will approve of your
decision.
But
after making shitty decisions about my life for the past many years based on
all above considerations I have concluded that it is in fact not so complicated. All
you need to do is decide what makes you happy, what you are good at, what do
you actually want & need and are you capable of going through with it
responsibly once you decide on it. Yes, it should be all about “you”. The rest
of the things like people, society etc. will make peace with it eventually and
fall into place beautifully.
But
to make good decisions, you have to find out what makes you happy and what best
utilizes the skill set you possess. And to be sure about these things you have
to be sure of who you are. You got to know yourself. As simple as it may sound
(“Of course I know myself, I live with me everyday!”), it is in fact a
herculean task.
People who know themselves well are always happy and successful.
Their actions are not based on other people’s validation or approval but their
own. They work and strive to the best of their ability and hence always deliver
the best. Because they always know what their best is. Of course no one is always
that thoroughly content with oneself. They too have many moments of self-doubt.
But that’s just because they are human and hence are born with imperfections.
I too have been trying to get to know myself better. I have reached upto 5 % in self-discovery,
I hope so. It is not easy to recondition my brain after it’s been moulded over
the years to overanalyse and overthink everything, with the society and their views
and opinions as a backdrop. Oh, if only you all could witness the hard-core
battle that goes on in my mind every single time I have to decide on something.
This battle is what I call stress.
Stress,
which has been making little children lose their innocence and commit acts like
suicide. This disease which has become so rampant now, spreading like an
epidemic, was quite unheard of 10 years back. The reason why people were less
stressed about things back then is, in my opinion, lack of choices or options. Back then
even Lays had just two flavours- Classic Salted and Magic Masala. Now, I don’t even
know how many flavours are there. And even after I painstakingly find out their
names and decide on one, I can never be sure whether the store will have the flavour
of my choice. So I have to settle for “Cream and Onion” instead of “Baked
Sunkissed Tomato”.
Well,
enough about my great chip problem. But you get the metaphor, right! So I am
very much in awe and envy of people who are sure about themselves and hence,
what they want in life. Because there are so many choices still many of them
are not really easily accessible which is frustrating and stressful. And I have
still not found a solution for this crisis. Though speaking about it with
someone you trust (someone who is willing to listen and not give their opinions
or advice) always helps clear your mind and makes it easier.
So, the
next thing that I have learnt is to keep precious people around you and with
you all the time. I call them precious because they are irreplaceable. These
are the people without whom you cannot imagine your life, those who have stayed
with you and witnessed your successes and failures and those who will always be
there to listen to your incessant rants. I feel very fortunate to have found
these precious people- my Mother, brother, sister and my ten best friends for
life. They are the ones who guide me, patiently listen, ones who laugh at my
miseries sometimes and hence point out to me that it wasn’t such big a tragedy
after all.
But I
was also plagued by some people who were negative and brooding. It took time
for me to realise that having them in my life was in fact harming me. It’s like
when you start watching any new Indian television soap. First few weeks it’s
all rosy and fun and entertaining. But later it’s the same old moldy drama
with schemes and plots and pious ladies who are made to go through difficult
situations just to prove their piety. And before you know it, you are habituated to this
boring and sad weekly torture.
But
you have to learn to tune out such people out of your life, de-weed the garden,
change the channel etc. And once you cut such people out of your life you have
to make efforts to stay away from similar people for your sake. Keep your
friends close and don’t create enemies of your own.
These
years have also taught me to be kind- to myself and to others. Kindness goes a
long way like an unending chain reaction. Being kind doesn’t just mean doing
charity or offering your seat to an old lady. Being kind involves being
considerate of others problems and situations. I have learnt not to jump to
conclusions about any situation or person.
Let me give you some examples. Suppose you
call your friend who doesn’t pick up your call. So you wait, hoping she will
call back once she realises she has missed your call and when she doesn’t, you
send her a text. But when she still doesn’t respond, your thought process goes
something like this… “Oh, so she is ignoring me… How can anyone not see their
phone for so long?? Miss-I-am-so-busy-I-cannot-spare-a-moment-to-look-at-my-phone.
Let her call me back. I won’t answer either… Let’s call someone else to bitch
about her.”
[DISCLAIMER:
ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE FICTIONAL AND A
FIGMENT OF WRITERS AWESOME IMAGINATION. ANY RESEMBLENCE TO A PERSON LIVING OR
DEAD IS MERELY A COINCIDENCE…maybe]
You
always end up thinking and making up all negative views about that person, when
it is quite possible that she might have been ill and hence, sleeping or maybe she
is in some kind of problem or maybe her phone is on silent mode and she really
is busy. There is no harm in just thinking stuff but while you are at it, why
not think right, why not try and see the good possibilities rather than brewing
hatred even though for a moment.
This kind of thinking is what makes us write
off people as bad or nasty just because someone said so. Sometimes you start
judging a person and cultivate a dislike for him or her based on someone else’s
experience and views when you yourself have not yet spoken or got to know him.
Such blind faith in another person’s opinion is what makes us miss an
opportunity of meeting a potential precious person.
So
being kind helps us be open to the thought of giving ourselves and others an
opportunity to be good, to be trusted, to be helped and loved. I guess this is
the true meaning of “Don’t judge a book by its cover”.
Also
I strive to keep myself happy. I do the best I can in the given circumstances.
Because if some of your loved ones need you when they are hurt or sad, you have
to be prepared and loaded with happiness yourself.
When
it comes to kindness and not judging people I draw inspiration from Malala Yousafzai.
Malala, appearing for an interview on The Daily Show, recalled the time when she had found
on Google that the Taliban were targeting her for daring to speak out in a blog on
the BBC News website. When asked what her thoughts were, this is what the
then 16-year-old said that left the interviewer speechless:
“But
later I started thinking and I used to think that the Talib would come and he
would just kill me. But then I said, 'If he comes, what would you do Malala?'
then I would reply to myself, 'Malala, just take a shoe and hit him.' But then
I said, 'If you hit a Talib with your shoe, then there would be no difference
between you and the Talib. You must not treat others with cruelty and that
harshly. You must fight others but through peace and through dialogue and
through education.' Then I said I will tell him how important education is and
that 'I even want education for your children as well.' And I will tell him,
'That's what I want to tell you, now do what you want'.”(Click here to watch the whole interview)
She’s
shown the world that kindness and raw bravery in face of adversity has the
potential to win hearts and wars too. When I see that a girl living under constant
threat to her life can be so positive and strive for others wellbeing, I
realise that my problems and apprehensions are insignificant and plain selfish.
She makes people want to get up and do something for others, however small it
may be. That’s
how I believe we should live, one thing at a time, many small steps making a
leap, numerous smiles to rid the world of its problems.
Well, in the end I would
like to point out that I am just sharing my experiences here. I am not
preaching the right way or expecting you to follow any of my ideation. I do not
wish to be a Guru. I am just trying to get to know myself better and writing
about it does help. Also it is an opportunity to thank all the precious people
in my life! (You know who you are!!)
So
if any of you reading can relate to my experiences or views or would like to
showcase your own thoughts I would be grateful to have an opportunity to read
it too. It just might be the boost I need in my life.
Wait
a minute, how can I possibly end without sharing some lines from one of my all time favorite songs.. So here goes...
Let them all pass all
their dirty remarks;
There is one question I'd really love to ask...
Is there a place for the hopeless sinner,
Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own beliefs?
One Love! One Heart!
Lets get together now and feel all right...
As it was in the beginning...So shall it be in the end... All right!
-ONE LOVE♥
BY BOB MARLEY
So I had to stop and look at her,
give my full attention. Today I finally met me…. After ages of looking in the
mirror, just looking at my appearance or my reflection, today I looked at
myself properly. 
